The Snowman and his Snow Angels

Falling Off the Face of the Earth...

2009-06-23T20:55:00.001-07:00

No, I have not fallen off the face of the earth. I am just pregnant which is almost the same thing. I am finding out just how much different it is being pregnant in your 30's than in your 20's. I am so much more tired than I remember. I ended up having a nap today from about 5 to 6 PM so here I am at almost 10 PM feeling motivated to write a blog! Wow, what an accomplishment.
Last night I went to bed about 9 PM and was up at 7:30 AM this morning. Oh yeah, 10 1/2 hours of sleep. I can't get enough of it. I wake up feeling great and have very productive mornings but I am just wiped out in the evenings and the last thing I can do or want to do is stay awake to write blogs, read blogs, sift through email etc. So I am apologizing I guess for being so out of touch with everyone. I am just in my own little world out here.
I am so grateful to have a very helpful husband. He made dinner tonight and bathed Demeree and got her ready for bed while I napped. He also made breakfast for Deme and I this morning and he even got Demeree ready for her swim lesson while we raced out the door to make the 9 AM lesson. He has even hiked and ran my crazy puppy a few times this week so he's not so crazy around the house. God bless him!

Anyways not too much to say. The pregnancy is going well. I am 35 weeks and feeling good. Ryan is doing really well too. We have had nothing but good news since his initial tumor diagnosis in January. His biopsy revealed a slow-growing tumor. The genetic testing revealed he can do chemotherapy as a treatment option and his MRI in May revealed that his tumor is not currently growing at all. So right now we are not doing chemotherapy or any sort of treatment. Just hanging out and hoping that the tumor just keeps doing what it's doing...nothing. He is on an anti-seizure medication he takes at night and that seems to be preventing any further seizures. He has only ever had the one major seizure which is how the tumor was discovered and then a few minor seizures directly following his biopsy. Which is kind of to be expected since he had 4 needles poked directly into the area of the brain that caused the initial seizure.

I am just hoping that alcohol is a tumor shrinking agent! Ryan sure loves his beer and Canadian Whiskey! I think he got a little pissed off that he was diagnosed with a brain tumor at one of the healthiest times in his life. He had just trained for and finished his first half marathon a few months before his seizure and he had committed to not drink my whole pregnancy. He was 30 days into not having even one drop of alcohol when he had his seizure. He eats pretty healthy but like I said I sure hope alcohol shrinks tumors!

Demeree just gave her Dad the cutest Father's Day card she made at preschool. She filled in all these blanks for questions they asked like...1) My Dad's favorite thing to do is...she wrote...catch fish. 2)My Dad's favorite thing to say is...she wrote....I have to work. 3)My Dad's favorite thing to eat is...she wrote...I think this is so funny...beer!! I am sure the Sandy Utah preschool teachers loved it!
She was making Ryan another Father's Day card at home and she asked me if she should draw a picture of Ryan fishing or of Ryan drinking beer at Hoppers? She sure knows her Dad!
I am probably just as predictable these days. Should we draw a picture of me sleeping or swinging on my porch swing? Not a whole lot else going on.

Tuesday is a big day

2009-02-15T17:04:00.001-08:00

Ryan has his biopsy scheduled for Tuesday February 17th. We have to be at the hospital at 5:30 AM. Ahhhhh!
It will be an early day that's for sure.
They will be shaving a small strip of his hair and then they will drill a nickle sized hole in his noggin and with a needle complete the biopsy. Then they fill the hole in skull with a compound that the skull I guess will eventually bond to and grow over or something like that. They told him he will be in the hospital a day or so. We are anticipating him coming home some time Wednesday evening.
Thanks to many sweet neighbors and friends we have dinners being brought over Tue. through Friday. Which is so nice because I do not enjoy cooking at all when I am pregnant and I don't think Ryan will be up for cooking for me those nights.

The biopsy results should be available a few days later hopefully by Friday at the latest.

I am sure Ryan is a little nervous. One day his life is normal and the next a brain tumor. It's a pretty shitty blow.
We have a lot of great support. So thanks to all of you for your prayers, phone calls, emails, dinners etc. It's hard to learn to accept so much help but I don't know how we could do it otherwise.

Lucky

2009-02-03T12:22:00.000-08:00

How lucky am I to have these two in my life?

She's so precious and so beautiful!

This Frost family never has a dull moment, let me tell you. On Friday January 30th Ryan was skiing with two of his best friends from high school, Tony Passey and Dan Richardson, when he had a major seizure. A CT scan followed by and MRI revealed a brain tumor. Lucky!

We do feel lucky that he survived this seizure. His two friends pretty much saved his life. Thanks guys!

The three of them had been skiing pretty hard for about three hours and had just come out of a patch of trees and were traversing over a relatively easy run to get to the lift when he had his seizure. How lucky he wasn't skiing trees and how lucky he wasn't on the lift. His friends saw him fall forward and kicked off there skis and got to him pretty quick. He had fallen face forward in the snow and when they turned him over he was deep purple and biting down on his tongue so hard that there was quite of bit of blood and, sorry to paint a gross picture, snot everywhere not to mention he was still seizing. Scary that he could have suffocated in the snow. Tony immediately called 911 which patched him through to ski patrol and when asked what run they were on had to flag down another skier to find out what ski run they were on. In the mean time, Dan pried Ryan's mouth open a little with his ski pole to help stop him biting down on his tongue. By the time the ski patrol got to them about 5 to 7 minutes had passed and Ryan was just starting to stop seizing. About 40 minutes later and 4 rounds of questions he was pretty with it. He knew his address and what he had for breakfast and of course he was ready to ski down the mountain, which he wasn't allowed to do. The ski patrol took him down the mountain on their sled and checked out his vitals. He refused an ambulance ride to the hospital. Instead he had his friends drive him to the ER at the brand new state of the art Intermountain Medical Center in Salt Lake City where I met them. It was a roller coaster of an evening to say the least and he ended up being at the hospital until the next evening. Right before we left the hospital we had a brief chat with a guy, we don't really know who he was some guy on the neurosurgeons team, who basically told us the type of brain tumor they are thinking he has is called a glioma basically he told us if you're going to have a brain tumor, it's not a bad one to have and it's in a good location. I even gave Ryan a high five for getting a "good" tumor. So we were sent home and told to schedule a neurosurgeon apt. the following week and we were under the impression it is no big deal. He's got a "good" tumor and we'll just have it taken out and be done with that. We found out yesterday from the first neurosurgeon we met with that this is not exactly the case. It's a little bit more complicated than that. We are pretty bummed but staying positive and waiting for our next 2nd appointment with a different neurosurgeon. Ryan has started his own blog to keep everyone updated it is http://snowmenhavebrains.blogspot.com/ . So I will leave you to read all the medical details on that sight.

On our way home from the hospital the Saturday evening after his seizure Ryan hadn't had dinner so I suggested we stop at his favorite spot, His "Cheers" if you will, Ryan's beloved Hoppers . We went in and had dinner and he got to visit with his good friends there and that really helped put him in a better mood. We talked about how lucky we were that he had survived the seizure and about how lucky we are in general. We have an amazing daughter and we've had the opportunity to have what we think is a healthy 10 year marriage. Of course no marriage is perfect and we've had our share of ups and downs but at the end of the day we feel lucky and privileged to be best friends through it all.

Driving home from Hoppers this song came on the radio and it couldn't be more perfect...
Click here to hear the song!

Now I know why I was so grouchy

2009-02-03T10:44:00.000-08:00

I just looked at the title of my last blog I wrote forever ago and had to chuckle. A couple days after that I took a pregnancy test and found out that baby number 3 is on the way!
We are very excited and just hoping for a healthy, happy bundle of whatever we get. We don't care as long as it's healthy.
Deme is thrilled to be a big sister again and Ryan has been so cute and helpful. I don't get the lovely pregnant glow the first part of my pregnancy. I feel pretty nauseated and exhausted. Luckily I have medicine I can take that helps me not throw up. I still don't feel like eating much or doing much of anything though. I am almost 14 weeks and I have noticed some of my energy coming back and I haven't had to take the naseau medicine in a couple days so I am just about over it.
That's why I haven't blogged in a few months. I used every ounce of energy I had to make it through the holidays and I go to bed sometimes when Deme goes to bed which is 7:30 or 8. I usually just take a nap in her bed for awhile and then drag myself downstairs to wash my face and brush my teeth and then read a little and fall back asleep. Super productive. Now you can see why blogging just doesn't fit in my schedule!

A productive, yet grouchy weekend

2008-11-23T13:07:00.000-08:00

I got some help this weekend with a project I've had in mind for a while. It was the ONE really great thing to come out of the weekend. I had a head cold all weekend, felt lousy, overwhelmed, frustrated and was in a grouchy mood of epic proportions ALL weekend. I can get people to back me up on that believe me.
Could it be the impending freezing weather?
Could it be the current financial situation of the world?
Could it be that we own a company in one of the hardest hit industries?
Could it be that holidays are kind of hard for me in general?
Could it be these two jokers think it's funny to tease and laugh at me when I'm in a foul mood?

I say "YES" to all of the above.

Isn't this material gorgeous? I picked it out from this new fabric store that just opened by us. I think it's called Designer's Resource. It was way too pricey. I added my name to their mailing list the first time I went in. A month or so later I received a coupon for 50% off one item. So I went back in and was able to get 2 1/2 yards of fabric that would cover all 8 of my chairs for $53!!! I was so excited at my patience and thriftiness.

This is the "before" shot of the chairs. I think they were made to be re-upholstered. I bought these pre-children and have had the hardest time keeping the white seats clean. I've had them steamed cleaned before. The cleaning of all 8 chairs was more than the material cost. Good riddance.
The "after" shot. Aren't they purdy?

We rearranged some rugs in the house and got this final look. The table IS centered on the rug I promise. I don't think this picture shows just how amazing the final project turned out. I'm so happy to have it done in time for Thanksgiving. Something to be thankful for, for sure.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy 5th Birthday to Deme!

2008-11-17T13:57:00.001-08:00

This little beauty turned five yesterday and I cried. Only five short years ago this wanted, planned for and much anticipated little girl came into our lives. She made me a Mom. A title, a role that has brought me the most pride, joy and heartache I have ever experienced.

I am so proud of her and who she is at five years of age. She is a smart, fun, silly, joyful, brave child and I can't imagine our lives without her.

I want so much for her in her life. Most importantly I want her to never lose her childishness. I think I get little glimpses now and again of the true meaning of the saying, "Youth is wasted on the young." What a pleasure it would be to go back to a time in our lives when life was all about the next party, the next slice of cake.

Dear Deme, I love you and I am so glad to have had you in my life these past five years. I hope we have the privilege of many more happy years together!

Love,

Mom

Keepin' It Simple

2008-11-10T10:44:00.000-08:00

Demeree turns five on Sunday. I can't believe it. Being that she's our only child and we love throwing little shindigs now and again, we've always thrown a big party for her and this year it is going to be very simple. I am kind of writing this so hopefully the friends we usually invite over for this event will realize that we are not being rude. We are just trying to keep it simple and have it be a family affair this year. Demeree decided she wanted to go to Disney on Ice for her birthday. They have a show on her actual birthday which is why I even mentioned it to her in the first place. I told her she could invite one friend to go with her. We will have cake and ice cream at our house afterwards and have the family over. The ones who can make it anyways. It's like the Gaza strip in our family sometimes so I guess we shall see who makes it and who decides to drop bombs while they are here. Kind of joking. Maybe I'll drop a few bombs this year myself. Joking again. Pretty easy though, the party anyways. I might have some soup and a couple appetizers...maybe, maybe not...but other than that, that's it. No magician, no Chuck E Cheese, no visit from Cinderella (which Deme has talked about having for months now) just a some good old fashioned birthday fun with some cake and ice cream. I do want to mention though that the Disney on Ice Tickets are Front Row. It wasn't that much more to splurge and get front row so we went for it. After all, you only turn five once. She should have a great 5th birthday.

Non-smelly Poll Workers Wanted

2008-11-10T10:35:00.000-08:00

I worked the polls on Election Day and all I can say is if you saw anyone under the age of 60 working at your voting location please let me know that they existed. I was at the old people location not that I have ANYTHING against old people. I know and love a lot of them but the ones I spent 15 hours with on election day absolutely STANK. Foul, foul odors flew that day. I have never had to hold my breath so much while walking across a room. Ryan brought me lunch and that was the first thing he commented on. I am glad I was able to participate in a very small way in this historic election. I even found out after I signed up that I got paid for working at the polls which was a bonus. It got me thinking that maybe the younger, non-rotting gut people don't realize that this is a paying gig. So I just thought I'd help get the word out.

Happy Halloween from The Snow Princess

2008-11-03T08:59:00.000-08:00

I voted early

2008-10-31T09:35:00.001-07:00

On Sunday we let our dingle dangles dingle in the dirt

2008-10-21T15:33:00.001-07:00

Ryan and I have been training for a half marathon for the past 11 weeks and finally ran it on Sunday. Go team Frost!

It was kind of an out-of-body experience looking back at it. I think I just kind of checked out and ran. The time was 2 hours, 18 minutes as we crossed the finish line. Somehow both of us managed to sprint the finish line. It was a pretty slow start due to the crowd. There was one pit stop at mile 10 for a potty break. The girl behind us in line was pretty steamed that they only had one Porto-potty at each rest stop and you better believe it was going down in her running journal as a 3.50 minute wait for the bathroom! I don't have a "running journal" so I am putting that 3.50 minute wait in my blog...so there!

All said I think we did all right for our first half marathon. It just goes to show that if you properly train you can do anything!

We had a great weekend in Moab with The Dougherty's. Jason was definitely MVP. He not only watched these two crazies while we ran...

...but he had them help him make breakfast (he even let them crack the eggs), took them to get ice cream and brought them to the finish line so they could cheer us on. Oh and he also decided to cook us an amazing dinner that night while we soaked in the hot tub, chilled out with some wine (beer of course for Ryan) and just relaxed. It was awesome. I can't forget to mention the entertainment he provided as well. He decided to entertained us with one of his Marine running ditties that goes a little something like this...

"Don't let you dingle dangle dingle in the dirt,

Pick up your dingle dangle put it in your shirt.

Don't let you dingle dangle dingle in the mud,

Pick up your dingle dangle wipe off the blood.

Don't let your dingle dangle dingle on the root,

Pick up your dingle dangle put it in your boot.

Don't let your dingle dangle dingle in the grass,

Pick up your dingle dangle put it in your pocket!"

It went on and on but those were definitley some highlights.

The kids loved that song. I laughed about it forever. I am still laughing in fact.

This is Ryan and I sprinting, yes, sprinting the finish line...

Ryan, Paula, me and Kris at the finish line. Yay!

Do these pants make my snowman look big?

2008-10-15T10:23:00.001-07:00

We had our first snowfall of the year on Sunday. We only got about 2 to 3 inches at our house. Some places in the state got a foot. I am not ready for that yet. Demeree got a snow bug and decided to build herself a snowman. She spent about 30 minutes outside all by herself, if you don't count Kaiser. This is a big deal for her. If she has someone playing with her she'll play outside for awhile but when it's just her, she lasts 5 minutes, if that. So she had herself a little accomplishment and we even got the cutest, little snow baby out of it. Notice the eyes, nose & mouth she put on with sticks and leaves.

Mom and Dad were lazily inside recovering from a trip. We spent a few days in Denver and attended TWO days of the Great American Beer Festival. It was an unexpected good time. We hung out with some really nice, fun people from Hoppers, a local brewpub that I call Ryan's "Cheers". We got to work with them a little at their booth and walk around sampling beers from all over the United States. It is a HUGE event. People pay $100 for a ticket to come for a day and they had 46,000 people attend. They have three days of the festival and they sold out every single night! We got the hook up from Hoppers and had VIP Vendor passes, Thank you, Thank you! It was a really good time but after two days of drinking and staying up until 1 and 2 AM I was wiped out! I don't like to think of it as getting old but as being wiser with my time. Who wants to party that hard any more and waste a whole day of being what I call 50 percent? We did manage to get up on Friday and do a 3 mile run through down town Denver. They have a cool river trail that runs through the city. We ran along there most of the way. It was good to do something semi-productive but it was freezing!

I don't mind to party like a rock star every now and again and it was worth it for the festival but I was so beat. Now I just have to turn around and run my first half marathon on Sunday...Wish me luck!

We have a rhombus rocking our world

2008-10-08T09:28:00.001-07:00

Monday night I was making dinner. Deme sat at her little table by the kitchen working on some papers from school and coloring.
She said this to me, "Mommy I know a nickname for a rhombus."
My thoughts, "Did Demeree just say rhombus?"
Then she says, "I'll give you a hint, it starts with...Die, Die, Diamond! A nickname for a rhombus is a diamond!"
I thought Ryan would get a kick out of Deme knowing what a rhombus is so I had her call him and tell him the same thing. She repeated it several times so I could tell he couldn't understand her. I got the phone and told him what she was saying and he said that he didn't know what they were teaching her at school but a rhombus is not a diamond. I told him I would Google a rhombus for Demeree so she would know what it was. This is what google revealed...

The first image of a rhombus that came up was a diamond! Demeree laughed and laughed and I had to tell her several times that she is not smarter than her dad and she probably never will be. But she sure got a kick out of showing her dad what a rhombus is. She has also been using the word parallelogram. By the way, she is FOUR!

Tobin

2008-10-03T09:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Tobin, my sweet two year old boy

I never know when it's going to hit hard

the missing you and wanting you here

last week after dinner we sat leisurely about

Deme, your big sissy, running around impersonating different animals

your absence suddenly there like a gaping hole

what animal would you be? what would your laugh sound like?

Dear Tobin, I wish I knew

___________________________________________________

This is such a personal poem for me to publish. I've had it saved as a draft for months and have been teetering on whether or not to publish it. One of the blogs that inspired me to begin a blog is Sheye Rosemeyer's . She lost her daughter, Ava. She writes the most beautiful, heart wrenching poems and thoughts on her daughter and grief and getting through life after. I am sobbing most of the time I read her blog. So I don't read it unless I am needing that for the day.

Reading her writings inspires me and gives me courage to write more of my feelings and experiences.

One of my biggest desires as Tobin's Mom is that he not be forgotten.

I want to share his story .

I mention Tobin a lot in my blogs. It is very therapeutic to think of him and write about him. Our family misses him everyday and to talk of him is to know he and his life are not forgotten even though he was with us such a short time. Tobin was very wanted and planned for. We wanted to get pregnant around Deme's 2nd birthday. I was about two weeks pregnant on her second birthday. It took one month of trying and there I was, my second baby was on it's way. We were all thrilled. When I found out I was expecting a boy I can't even describe the feeling of walking on air that I had. We had decided to build a house in Draper and even though I was still protesting the move (I LOVED my old house) I was so elated to find out we'd have a little boy to complete our family. A little Ryan Frost and a new house. The Draper house seemed tolerable to think we'd have our little, complete family living in it. We were in our new home for three months when he was born. I was 9 months pregnant. I had experienced a healthy, full-term pregnancy. There was nothing that indicated anything was wrong. My water broke on the evening of July 18th 2006. I was a week and a half shy of my due date, no big deal. Demeree was two weeks early so we were expecting it. I had a Doctor's appointment the day before and everything was fine and going well. We went to the hospital that night within hours of my water breaking and I delivered Tobin in the morning around 8:30 AM, if I remember right. During delivery, his heart rate monitor dipped two times as his heart rate slowed, it was alarming but it immediately came back to a normal rate and I delivered him on July 19th 2006. I had an epidural and the Doctor did use a suction device to speed his delivery along. Looking back nothing seemed to indicate he wouldn't be well. Demeree was an easy delivery and if Tobin would have come out healthy I'd be saying the same thing about him. When Tobin did come out he was very pale, almost white and he wasn't breathing. He was immediately rushed to the nursery, inti bated and began receiving oxygen. He was given 2 epinephrine shots to the heart withing 30 minutes of his life. His temperature was unstable and anywhere they tried to put an I.V. he was bleeding out of the puncture sight. The Doctor, Tonya Jackson, said later that is was like his veins were too soft. He was at Alta View Hospital, where I delivered, for about two hours before Life Flight arrived to take him to Primary Children's Medical Center. Ryan didn't leave his side from the time he was born until they took him on the helicopter, which parent's are not allowed to ride in, he only left to come and give me brief updates. He took photos of Tobin in the first few minutes of his life, which I cherish. One even shows him looking pretty healthy. I was wheeled into the nursery when the life flight nurses arrived and they both told me it didn't look very good for him. Total shock. I threw up. My doctor cleared me to leave the hospital so I could go to Primary Children's and be with Tobin. The Doctors at Primary Children's were not hopeful either. They were keeping him alive with medicine and machines. I had to go back to Alta View that night to get some medication and I slept there. Tobin was still alive the next morning and I headed back to Primary Children's Medical Center, where Ryan had stayed. The day started pretty hopeful. He had survived the night. Surely all the experts at Primary Children's would fix him. There were a lot of tests done. I had just delivered a baby and was in a lot of pain and shock so I don't remember all of what was going on except we were waiting on one main test an EEG which monitors brain waves. As long as he had brain functions we had hope. The test results were not good at all. The Doctors told us there was not much else that could be done. Our family had gathered at the hospital and they were all in the room when we received the news. Ryan and I needed some time to gather our thoughts and I was so completely exhausted we decided to take a nap and then go from there. I think we slept about an hour. I remember sitting in this little hospital room that Primary Children's' has for families with children in the NICU (Newborn Intensive Care Unit). It had an old couch, a recliner, a fridge and an attached bathroom. It had been base camp for the last 24 or so hours. We woke up and needed to discuss the inevitable, I just remember looking at Ryan and sobbing, "I can't hold something and let it die." With out missing a beat, Ryan looked me in the eye and painfully said, "I can."

How can he be so strong?

We decided to bring Demeree to the hospital to meet her brother for the first and only time. We discussed this with a child psychologist on staff at Primary Children's' and she said this was probably the best idea even though Demeree was only two. It would be better for her to grow up knowing she was included rather than excluded from her brother's death. We took a lot of pictures. I kept making them take family photos of us until we got one that would work. I knew it would be our only shot at it. There is a room at Primary Children's full of stuffed animals and Demeree picked out two grey lambies. One to give to her brother and one to keep. He was buried with the little grey lamb she gave him. The other, larger lamb is on my list of possessions to grab and run out of the house with in case of a fire.

We then needed to decide the details when and where we would take him to do this. Ryan was adamant that we take Tobin outside. He wanted Tobin to go outside before he died.

How can he be so strong?

I was in complete shock not to mention I had delivered a baby the day before so Ryan wheeled me around the hospital in a wheel chair looking for the spot. We went outside and found this little garden next to the north entrance of the hospital. There are some arbors with a lot of plants and flowers, a water fall, a few benches and some statues of angels and children. It was the spot.

The nurses that had been with Tobin at Primary Children's' are angels themselves. The did everything in there power to help him. I know they did. Primary Children's is sadly well equipped and prepared for dying children. The medication they had given Tobin to stop his internal bleeding had made him swell up horribly. He wouldn't be able to put him in the outfit I'd brought for him to come home from the hospital in. They have a whole room full of baby clothes.We picked out an outfit and let both of our mom's, the grandma's, come in and help us sponge bathe him, put lotion on him and dress him. Ryan and I also held him for the first time and last time. The nursing staff helped us to take him out side. We sat in a bench in the garden next to a water fall and Ryan looked in his dying son's face and said "A waterfall is a symbol of renewal. The water that begins in the mountains, ends in the mountains."

How can he be so strong?

He let the nurses that were with us know it was time and they removed his breathing tube.

How did this happen?

I didn't know what to tell people at first. I had no idea how he had died. I couldn't say. Were the Doctor's grossly negligent? Had I just had a baby die due to complications of child birth? This wasn't the dark ages how could this happen?Several months later I met with the OB that delivered Tobin and he didn't have any answers. He was stumped. Nothing indicated Tobin would be born as sick as he was. He had even presented Tobin's case at a conference in San Diego. None of the blood samples were revealing any sort of bacterial infection. The autopsy of my umbilical cord and placenta showed everything was normal.

How did this happen?

I met with Dr. Tonya Jackson a pediatrician who had worked to save Tobin while he was at Alta View. She had gone to school with Dr. Yost, who had been Tobin's Doctor at Primary Children's. She had done some research and had spoken with Dr. Yost and she had determined by her research that he probably had a virus. Enterovirus. Dr. Yost agreed with her.

After reading everything I can come across the internet on this virus. I am satisfied with this answer. The symptoms neonates present with are: the abrupt onset of respiratory distress, tachycardia, cyanosis, temperature instability, arrhythmia's, hepatomegaly, and signs of poor peripheral circulation.

Tobin had most of these conditions...respiratory distress, temperature instability, poor circulation, he looked blue (cyanosis). One girl I know who is a nurse after seeing his picture where he looks a little blue even asked if he had a blood clot. He was born sick with a lot going on in his little body.

How did he get this?

The link to this article is no longer available on-line for some reason. I have a copy saved and as I pull information from it I'll mark it with quotations.

This is an infection that occurs mainly in the summer and fall. Tobin was born mid-July.

"Neonates acquire the infection vertically from their mothers; the outcome of neonatal infection is strongly influenced by the presence or absence of passively acquired maternal antibody specific for the infecting enterovirus serotype. Thus, the timing of maternal infection in relation to development of maternal IgG antibody, and delivery of the infant, may be the most critical factor in determining the outcome of neonatal enterovirus infection."

The viruses can be shed in the upper respiratory tract, feces, and shed in tears then spread via fingers. Direct contact with feces occurs with activities such as diaper changing. Infants, particularly those in diapers, appear to be the most efficient transmitters of infection. Adults can be asymptomatic and children may have a slight fever and mild diarrhea.

We were at a friend's BBQ the week before Tobin was born and Demeree had some sort of flu going on. I had to borrow diapers from some one else because she went through more diapers than I had brought. I wash my hands regularly. I even remember informing the hostess that she didn't have any soap left in one of her bathrooms and she went and got some more. Who knows how this happens?

The timing was just bad. Demeree or I probably got the virus at the park or Little Gym or Costco for all I know. The Costco I live closest to had to stop stamping kids hands when they check your receipt because their stamp tested positive for the pink-eye virus. Who knows when we got it but we did and the timing was just bad. I don't dwell on the how anymore. I know how he died.

I don't even think on the why he died anymore. It just is.

He's gone and we miss him dearly but life goes on and new challenges present themselves.

A good cyber read

2008-09-30T12:15:00.000-07:00

One of my Mom's good friends got cyber-published. I really enjoyed reading her article as you may be able to tell by the comment I left that is almost as long as her article. Ooopsy, sorry Georgia! Check out her article if you get a minute.

We spent Saturday night at the instacare. What did you do?

2008-09-28T10:57:00.000-07:00

Deme had an allergic reaction to something Saturday evening. We have no idea what. She was jumping on the trampoline at our friends' BBQ next to a garden. Maybe it was some sort of pollen that triggered it. It was pretty scary for us. She also tested positive for another UTI (Urinary Tract Infection) while at the instacare. For those of you who know her history with these it is probably at least the 10th time maybe more that she has had one of these in the last 1 1/2 years. We don't know what exactly causes those either. We think it's because she holds her potty in too long and doesn't let it all out when she goes. We've been working really hard on not doing that so we were surprised and frustrated to see another one has arrived. These photos were snapped with Ryan's iPhone at the instacare. She is doing MUCH better today (Monday)! She woke up this morning yelling with excitement..."My eyes are all better, my eyes are all better!" She ran straight to the mirror. So they obviously felt better before she even had a look at them.

A thank you blog

2008-09-22T20:59:00.000-07:00

Cameron, Cristina & Deme on Tobin's 2nd Birthday

Ever since I blogged on my sister, Amanda. It has made me think of all my siblings and why I love them. I have been meaning to tell my sister, Cristina thank you for spending Tobin's birthday with us this past July 19th. It's only been three months but as the saying goes, Better late than never. (I need to give myself a break it's actually only been 2 1/2 months!)

I have really dreaded the entire month of July for the last two years. Tobin's birthday and Angel day hang heavy in the air. I don't really know what to do about it. I kind of feel some pressure to plan a big memorial and invite the whole family but I start feeling major anxiety when I think of doing anything like that so I don't plan anything. On his first birthday it was just Ryan, myself and Deme. We got flowers for his grave, a balloon and 2 cupcakes. Deme picked out a princess cupcake for her and a Spider man cupcake for Tobin. We took the flowers down to the cemetery and Deme let the balloon go. Then we went bowling as a family. Bowling for Tobin I called it.

This year I started feeling the planning anxiety again. I don't know how it really got planned. It's all a blur looking back but somehow we ended up on our boat with my sister, Cristina, her five kids and her husband, Cory. I had gotten a balloon for Demeree to let go at the lake and my sister got 5 balloons, one for each of her kids. Her kids had written the sweetest messages on the balloons. They said things like...We luv you Tobin, Say Hello to Jezus, We hope you like haven...the messages were misspelled and so cute and sweet and appropriate. It couldn't have been more so. Deme had picked out a Speed Racer cake that we picked up after boating and then had cake and ice cream at my house. The next day Ryan and I and Deme took the Speed Racer car from the top of the cake along with some flowers down to Tobin's grave. There is a play ground next to the cemetery that we took Deme to afterwards. We all played and had a good time. We even shoved Kaiser down the slide a couple times and laughed our butts off. We like to tell ourselves that he enjoys going down the slide. Nothing like puppy torture to get you a good laugh! Then it was done. The thing I'd dreaded since July 1st was over. It felt good, like a huge weight was lifted. I could stop playing my sad, depressing iPod mix while hiking in the mountains behind my house. It was time to do something else. Something less depressing. Something like start training for a 1/2 marathon! Ryan and I are running our first 1/2 marathon on October 19th in Moab. Go Team Frost! I tried to run to my hiking mix I listened to in July and it is terrible! I was falling asleep trying to run. Good riddance.

Back to my thank you blog...I just wanted to tell my sister, Cristina, how much it meant to me that she spent Tobin's birthday with us. Her and her family really helped to make it an appropriate, special day. She is so good to me and to Deme. Deme absolutely loves her and loves spending time at her house with all her cousins probably because Cristina spoils her rotten!

There isn't anything that Cristina wouldn't do for me or my family. I can always talk to her about anything. I can go on and on about some rant or rave probably sounding like a major idiot but she always laughs in the right places and acts like what I say is important even though it's not. So thank you Cristina for being there for me and for Deme. We love you dearly and we love your cute, sweet kids. They are all such good kids and we know it's because you are such a good Mom. Thanks for being an example and for being someone we can count on!

Here are some photos of Tobin's 1st birthday:

Deme took this one of Ryan and I...she's good!

My 4 year old can read!

2008-09-17T11:57:00.000-07:00

I've always known Deme was a smarty pants. But I have really been so proud of her these last couple weeks. I had a hard time deciding what to do with her this year for preschool. She's been in this great preschool since she was three and it's been good socially for her but they are still working on letter recognition, letter sounds, shapes etc. Demeree has known all the letters and their sounds since before she even started preschool at age three and shapes, that girl even knows octagons! She turns five in November and is ready to be in kindergarten but because of where her birthday falls she has another whole year of preschool.
So this summer I put quite a bit of time checking out all of our options. I put her in a new preschool this fall and she didn't like it so much in the beginning. She goes to school MWF for about 6 hours. I was a little concerned for Demeree to be in school all day and she struggled the first week of school with quite a bit of crying in the mornings. I now have a sticker chart that seems to be working for her. She gets stickers for all sorts of little chores and one is "No Crying For School". So if she starts doing the whiny thing about school I tell her "Stop, stop you don't want to cry and not get your sticker!" and so far she toughens right up and stops those tears.

Even with all the tears that first week, Ryan and I have been so thrilled with Demeree's progress. She earned her "Alphabet Crown" with in the first week for knowing all the letters and their sounds. She even had to know the five vowels and that they make two sounds, long and short. The very next school day she earned her "Blending Badge" and they started sending little books home with her to read. I have to keep telling myself she's still only four!

Check this out...

Not only has it been exciting to see her succeed with reading, she has also been learning all sorts of new things. Most recently she's been learning all about different types of spiders. After going to my sister, Cristina's, house and having it decorated for Halloween and seeing several of the neighbors decorating, Demeree has been pesting me to decorate for Halloween even though it's still September last time I checked. I finally gave in and pulled out the boxes and decorated. Here is a breakfast conversation Demeree had with me yesterday about some fake spiders I have hanging from our light fixtures...

Demeree: "Mom, those aren't real spiders. They don't have any spinnerets. Real spiders have spinnerets."

Me: "Well, they aren't real spiders they are fake so maybe fake spiders don't need spinnerets."

Demeree: "Why didn't they put fake spinnerets on the fake spiders?"

Me: "I don't know Demeree maybe I should write the workers that made the fake spiders a letter and ask them why they didn't put fake spinnerets on the fake spiders."

Demeree: "Mom, they probably don't work there anymore and you don't even have their address."

...and she managed to say it all in her best "I'm such an annoyed four-year-old" tone.

Show personal restraint

2008-09-16T13:23:00.000-07:00

Note the last line on this sign. I don't know why exactly I find it so funny but I have been laughing about it for days.

It's going to become part of my regular vocabulary.

"Would you show some personal restraint, please!"

Sometimes you have to toot your own horn, Right?

2008-09-15T20:52:00.000-07:00

I've been a little busy lately and haven't had any time to waste (ooops did I say that) I meant spend on my blog. I think for the month of August I was in town one weekend of the month. I was home just enough to do my laundry, send my kid to school a couple days and pack for the next trip. I am definitely NOT complaining. I've had a great time camping in the Uintah Mountains, going to Heather Hall's cabin in West Yellowstone and visiting my bestest girl friend from high school, Caycie, for 5 days over Labor Day weekend. We should all be so stressed. I am also training for a 1/2 marathon and managed to log 19 miles last week so hopefully you are buying my story that I've been a little busy and why I have neglected the blog.

I'll write more on all my trips later. Today's blog is all about today. Demeree had a big day today. She had her first ever show and tell! And boy was it a good one!

I decided last week to go hike the mountain by my house that was burnt by the wild fire. There is a beautiful wooden bridge nestled in the woods up one of the canyons and I couldn't quite tell if the fire had gotten into the canyon and burned the bridge or not so I decided to check it out while Demeree was at school. As I was hiking I realized that it would be very educational for Demeree to hike up with me and inspect the fire damage herself. So the very next morning we set off. The hike I took her on is a pretty easy little hike. We didn't go to the bridge I just took her up a short switch back to the trail head. During the hike, we reached the area where the helicopters had dropped fire retardant. It was splattered all over rocks and leaves,which Demeree started to collect off the ground. I also had my camera so we snapped away and then I had the thought that she should take the leaves and rocks covered in fire retardant for show and tell and I'd even print out some pictures of the fire and of us on our hike. I was so excited with my brilliant idea!

Here are some of the photos she took for show and tell...

...my little "poser"in action

Kaiser on the burnt trail

A look back at what the trail used to look like. Now there are 208 acres of what Deme and I call "black mountain"

I absolutely LOVE this photo of two of my most favorite things in the whole world!

This photo was taken on July 5th on a hike with my sister, Naomi.

The bridge was saved!

Who lit a campfire in the house?

2008-08-26T16:07:00.000-07:00

The mountain by our house was on fire yesterday. It didn't look too threatening for most of the day but then the wind kicked in and in no time at all bright orange, vicious flames were right up the street. A couple of streets away homes were evacuated and the house at the top of our street was on alert to be evacuated but we were never that threatened.

My house has a campfire smell to it. Nice while camping but when it reminds you of danger not so nice. My friend Mindy told me that my insurance company can have the smell taken care of if it doesn't air out on it's own. Thanks Mindy!

I am off to visit my best friend from high school, Caycie, in Texas for Labor Day weekend so I'll do the wait and see on that.

Now that no houses were consumed, I can lament over the beautiful Draper trails that were burned.

I hiked those trails many, many times this summer with Kaiser.

It's sad to see them go.

House at the top of our street

Full view of the mountain side standing in my driveway

Thanks to all the firefighters

and pilots who worked to

protect our homes!

I can still hear the heli-

coptors

flying overhead to get out

the last hot spots.

Shout out for Jamie

2008-08-26T14:26:00.000-07:00

One of my friends, who just happens to be an amazing Blogger, Mom, Cook, Photographer...you get the point is doing a really cute contest on her blog.
Check it out...http://www.sophistimom.com/

Shower Thought #1

2008-08-15T11:19:00.000-07:00

So I guess one of the points of a blog is to get all the random thoughts running around your head down on what I guess we can call paper. I know it's a common thing, but most of these random thoughts occur for me in the shower. For those of you who know me and know me well you know I don't shower every single day (I know kinda gross, huh?). I actually do know lots of girls that don't. With the right hair products, hats, etc. it's pretty easy to mask this fact. Ryan likes to think I am the only girl on this planet that does this. For those of you who know The Snowman and know him well, you know how important cleanliness and showering are to him. If he had his way I think his wife and child would be showered on the same schedule as teeth brushing. Oh Snowman, you'll never get your way on this. How can a Mom fit it all in one day? Sometimes the shower just has to go. On the days I do get the whole shower, washing hair, shaving etc. I get to thinking. (Not that rare really, the thinking part anyways).

Here's a recent thought I had in the shower...we subscribe to a great publication simply titled Salt Lake Magazine. I know several cities that put out similar magazines. I really enjoy reading it cover to cover and am almost always known to read sections of it to Ryan or whom ever the unlucky visitor/victim happens to be at the time. In the August 2008 edition, there is this section on "Yummies" aka Young Urban Mormons. Being that I live in Utah I get the fact that this article would take up 10 pages of the magazine. It's supposed to be all about trendy, cool, hip people in Utah who just so happen to be Mormon. One particular girl grabbed my attention and she happens to be a family friend through Ryan's side of the family. He grew up with her and her family. I don't want to mention names but by the time she was 22 she had graduated early from high school studied photography at the prestigious Brooks Institute and earned a culinary degree at the French Culinary Institute in New York City. She's about to self-publish a cookbook of original recipes, has a job at a stock photography firm etc. She's really not the point. It just got me thinking about my youngest sister, Amanda. Who is one of the coolest cats I know. She is definitely NOT a hipster. That really gets under her skin when we call her that but she might be a little bit Indie (another under the skin crack). Anyways she is a darling, cool girl. I think you could even call her a CSH...Certified Sweet Heart. My friend Jason worded it well...she's the type of person you meet and you just root for her. You want to see her succeed. I love her dearly. She has been an important person in my life.

In my book of notable accomplishments she has many admirable accomplishments to be proud of. To the outside world she may not have the polished resume that would end up in a magazine article but I definitely find them blog-worthy and the accomplishment I am most proud of her for is that she has done it all on her own. As I think about the girl in the article, I wonder how easy it is to do things when someone else is always footing the bill. Not that it's a bad thing. I think if you can help your kids through school and help them get ahead by all means do it. That is not the point. It just makes me all the more proud of my little sis, Amanda. All that she has accomplished and everything she has done has been on her own and I am damn proud of her for it! She served a two year church mission in The Philippines. She worked for a wilderness therapy group called RedCliff Ascent. As a group leader for RedCliff's, she led troubled teens into the Utah wilderness and kept them alive for weeks at a time. She took their pants away at night so they didn't run away and survived lesbian crushes from teenage girls. Pretty funny. She took an office job after that and couldn't stand working inside and having a set schedule so she then took a nanny job in New York City for a year. She helps all of her sisters out with babysitting, dog sitting, house sitting and even weeding when she can. She has been some one I have really relied on in the time since Tobin died. I have been able to count on her to come once a week and watch Demeree so I could get some alone time and just do my thing whatever that may be. Now she is plugging away on her psychology degree and she's on target to have her PHD by the time she's 33. I just think she is pretty amazing. She loves to be active out doors and is an avid rock climber and boulderer (SP). She runs, she bikes (on crazy old school second-hand bikes...I love it!), she travels and explores.

I have traveled the world with her by my side from Aruba to Maui and I will continue to have her travel with me as a travel companion/nanny, in that order, because I love her and I love being around her.
Thank you darling sister for not just being a typical yummy but for being positively delish!

Amanda and I on our way to Maui, May 2008

Waiting for Tobin's casket to be closed

Amanda at the butterfly farm in Aruba

Watch the puppy grow uppy...

2008-08-08T14:12:00.000-07:00

These are some of my favorite videos of our Pudelpointer pup, Kaiser Soze...

He loves things that blow in his face. He comes terring in to the bathroom if he hears the hair dryer turn on and he barks at me until I blow it in his face. Here he is with a bubble blower...

...Yes, he is named after the "character" in the movie The Usual Suspects. I spelled it a little different than the spelling in the movie because I thought it would get mispronounced but just like the Keyser Soze in the movie he is Bad ass!

He has been such a needed, joyful distraction for our family. He is definitely one of the most positive events to take place in The Frost Family since Tobin died.

We've had a few stuffed animals, markers, ballet tutus, and art projects go down. (Thanks Deme for taking a few for the team!) He almost torments Demeree as much as a little brother might and she soooooo needs a little tormenting and pestering in her life just to keep her on her toes.

I think you get the picture that we love him!

I'm blogging and I can't stop

2008-08-08T12:26:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to set up this blog thing for awhile now. So now I am playing catch up and because our lives are just so exciting and we have so many goings on that are blog worthy I just can't stop blogging! Somebody help me, call bloggers anonymous...ahhhh...OK enough...one last video because Demeree has been trying so hard...

I will not blog any more today, I will not blog any more today, I will not blog any more today, I will not...

The Real Guitar Hero...

2008-08-08T11:21:00.000-07:00

This was a couple weeks ago...we just got back from soccer...there is dinner to make...ironing to do (note the background)...a puppy to play with but it's time to play the geetar...

I think The Snowman is soooo sexy when he plays the geetar! Notice Ryan lamenting over not being able to take off to Costa Rica with some of his friends. Ohhhh the woes of being a responsible business owner in a bad housing market!

The origin of The Snowman

2008-08-08T10:40:00.000-07:00

Ryan Frost...Frosty the Snowman...The Snowman

It is just an oh so appropriate nickname for The Ry Gy. He was given the nickname by Bullet. I don't know Bullet's real name even though I went to his wedding in D.C. I don't really feel guilty about that since I was six months pregnant whilst attending said wedding. I was suffering what many women suffer...a case of the pregnant brain, incapable of committing anything to memory, especially a name. I guess I suffer from that even while not pregnant but it sure works as a good excuse.
Back to the nickname...it just fits!
A hail to all our nickname friends...The Beezer, J Love and KrissyMama!
Sincerely,
Tivo
(Guess how I got that one?)

J Love and Bullet at Bullet's wedding in DC

The Beezer, looking all too happy to be a Marine

KissyMama or The Mama, Hot to Trot in Vegas

Follow Up: O.K. so after I wrote all this and showed Ryan my new blog he tells me I am mistaken. It was B.C. who named him The Snowman and Bullet who coined the phrase, "Oh, Snowish One" at his D.C. wedding. Excuuuse Me! We have a rock band named "Snowish Tide" and all sorts of "Snowman", "Snowish One" comments rolling around that apparently I can't keep it all straight. I do have all the correct nicknames tied to the correct people so I guess that's all that really matters. I'll try to pay more attention.

To blog or not to blog?

2008-04-10T15:33:00.000-07:00

O.K. I am going to give this blog thing a shot I guess. I have been using myspace for a couple years now and love it but I guess it's the trashy way to stay in touch or something. Not that I really care because it's been a very non-trashy way for me to get in touch with a lot of good friends from high school and see what they are up to and to check out their kids. Not to mention it's been great therapy for me to share my family with others...my darling daughter, Demeree, and especially my son, Tobin, who died July 20, 2006. It helps me to think people are reading about him and seeing his photos because then I know he isn't forgotten.

I hope to get my husband, Ryan aka The Snowman, involved with this blogging thing at some point so he can stay in touch with his friends as well but I'm probably being way too optimistic for that.